Tag: memories

  • Rims

    When Alice started watching one of the dumbass Fast and Furious movies for the umpteenth time Thomas retired quietly to the den struggling not to make some snarky comment. He tried to read some more of a Thoreau bio, but a word kept flipping about in his head as a distraction. Rims. He was sure rims was not in the Thoreau book! He had consciously attempted to block out the dialogue of those assholes being assholes the moment the movie had started. Of course, they must have been bragging about their Rims; those gaudy, size enhanced symbols of….something; mine’s faster, more powerful and, of course, bigger! You gotta go big to be family!

    Cars had never been his thing, but growing up in the rural south a car was a necessity if you were going to work part-time during high school. With the help of a loan from his parents, he had bought a ten year old battered 53 Ford for $300 plus another hundred for bondo and a paint job, baby blue, and he been ready to work and, on the weekend, drag main; cruising for chicks. The chicks part didn’t happen too often, but he and a friend or two, riding around for hours was, for some reason, soothing, and well worth the 25 cent a gallon gas. No hood scoop or muffler cutouts, and no Rims for his car; the tires, needing immediate replacement, went from whitewalls with small pop-on metal hub caps to cheaper blackwalls with the wheels, hub caps removed, spray-painted black. Poor boy chic?

    Thomas had, twenty-five years before, actually, kind of, owned a set of Rims, but had never seen them or been aware of their existence until a family member, a step-daughter’s worthless husband, screwed him. It had started with Jenny, Alice’s by her first husband, asking him to co-sign a car loan for a used Chevy Tracker. They were young with a kid and supposedly had jobs, so he said ok. Alice had given him a slow no shake of the head but said nothing. Two days after signing the papers he had gotten a call from the salesman at the dealership ranting, almost screaming, that he had called to verify Jenny’s employment and that she had quit her job the day after the signing! “Perhaps, the job and credit verification should have been done before the signing of the deal.”  Thomas couldn’t resist. The salesman sputtered and spewed but could muster noting but telling Thomas it would all be on him if they didn’t pay. “That was my understanding of the term co-sign. Thank you.” Thomas responded. “Have a nice day.” That nitwit must have gotten a good reaming by his boss, Thomas thought, or is it rimming?

    Jenny responded by saying she was just changing jobs, no worries; everything would be just fine. Juan, the worthless husband was not available; never had been. A few months later the crap hit the fan. Thomas got a letter from the finance co covering the loan stating that the vehicle under this loan must be covered by liability auto insurance and that they had received notification the policy had been canceled. Jenny gave Thomas a few numbers where Juan, her now estranged husband, who had taken the Tracker, might be reached. Thomas finally got Juan on the line days later after telling some dude a fake name and asking if Juan was around. After a  brief discussion, Juan told Thomas he could have the piece of shit and that he would leave it a Jenny’s place. Of course Jenny said she couldn’t pay for it, and so Thomas and Alice went to retrieve their inheritance that weekend and there it sat in the yard on blocks; wheels and tires removed, taken; no explanation about what happen to the originals  “Yea, Juan paid a bunch for his Rims, so he took’em, sorry!” Rims and family, not Thomas’ favorite subject.

    “Can you please turn the volume down on that damned dumbass movie? Please!”  

  • the Idea

    
    
    
    
    
    
    I remember a horrid infant:
    the creation of rabid men,
    a concoction of desires,
    ideas and secret process
    devoid of conscience.
    They thought the riddle was solved:
    The forfeiture of a fraction
    for the good of the whole.
    But the whole was demeaned;
    the part was not consumable
    and refused to lie in silence
    as mere charred bone.
    
  • Old dog

    Penny 2016
  • Fire

    Memories do blanch, change, slip to nonexistence
    but one still remains clear as a straight razor edge.
    1953 probably. 1st grade, small wood, rural rental
    with an old outhouse...but we had running water!

    At my new school we had "duck and cover" drills and
    every Sunday service the preacher screamed at me
    words directly from God; if deemed an unbeliever,
    I would endure forever a lake of fire and brimstone.

    My dreams of fire came at night way before I slept.
    I knew my small bed and handmake quilts offered
    no protection, only a sweaty taste of fire to come
    as I clutched them in fear tightly around my neck.

    One way or the other, I was destined to be burned,
    by The Bomb or by my inability to accept gods will;
    to be a red seething char as those in our coal stove,
    only screaming with all the others in our agony.

    I am no longer six. I am 76. Accepting the inevitable
    is a process accomplished by most; a natural process,
    not taught in schools. I went to a funeral home today
    and purchased a prepaid cremation plan. Hello, Fire!







  • Visitors At The Nursing Home

    A resident, new to me, chair-paddled into the room
    with long, flat feet padded in doubled hospital socks.
    Enthralled by the new arrivals face, I fell to silence,
    allowing mother to resume her private communion
    with her other son unseen by either of us in 15 years. 
    
    The new she, yes, a she, floated diaphanously in, as  
    if fresh from the make-up trailer on a movie set of a
    ghost-tale or a horror flick, ready to kill her scenes;
    mumbling the lines of her lone perfected character
    oblivious to all but her muse and her scripted tale.
    
    Huge cheekbones drooped to tiny, pointed chin;
    all sheathed in the thinnest, palest of white skin 
    fragile as a gossamer clouds feel. Corn silk hair,
    white not golden, clung scantily to a slick scalp.
    But the eyes, her eyes dispelled my brief fantasy.
    
    Her eyes, a Matisse light-blue commingling with 
    sparks of light whiter than God, danced with joy,
    speaking a stunning, rare tongue of their own as she
    listened and conversed with her invisible visitor who 
    sat, stood, hovered joyously confirming all her truths.
    
    The words her visitor showered on her could not be 
    belittled. All were accepted without doubt as true:
    professions of love, devotion, her reimagined life. 
    Raising, then lowering her hands daintily, her eyes 
    and mumblings fell silent. She chair-paddled away.
    
    Mother's head lifted, her own excited eyes shining;
    Your brother just spoke to me! He and two other men
    have been traveling the world all these past years!
    His friends pay for everything! He said to tell you Hi!
    Offering a weak side to side hand wave, I said, Hi!
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
     
    
  • Memories: The Final Edit

    Once again, the Final Edit begins;
    a rearrangement...Cut...Copy...Paste...Delete
    and regretted words are revised, changed...denied.
    Perhaps, they or I said that but meant the other;
    new words I just remembered; was it just a joke!
    Ha! Ha! Did I appear to be laughing? 
    Anyway: a beginning is always the beginning
    and the ending is never, ever really the ending.
  • 245XL Black and Poetry

    Ink 245XL Black tops my list along with
    Rx at CVS and a succulent mix at Lowes.
    Also, to visit mother at the nursing home;
    donning mask, shield, gown and blue gloves.
    To give her chocolate ice cream and candy.
    
    Also, take wild-child Blue for due shots.
    Writing down doesn't ensure task completion;
    I may leave in a rush or pissed-off state
    without the list, without my debit card,
    without the will to fulfil this humble list.
    
    Ink245XL Black was missed on the list!
    Everything else, more or less, was fulfilled.
    Mother, a clump of sadness, grinned and
    grabbed for a hug, wondering, silently, why
    I am the only one to every come to visit.
    
    Blue-eyed Blue enthralled the vet's helper;
    too bad, I'm not young...cruising for chicks.
    Back to Ink 245XL Black: I really do need this
    to finish printing copies of all my stuff stuck
    in the Cloud; all my poems and a few stories.
    
    The Cloud could disappear despite Experts'
    arguments. Some Experts worship god Chaos.
    Clouds like stars implode; more like vanish,
    dissipate, some showering cooling blessings
    while others are never seen, touched or known.
    
    These pages are mine to clutch. Some garnered
    a few Likes and occasionally, rare praise from
    a Non-Expert; not their real intended purpose.
    Oh! to once again caress a Goddess Muse; say Yes!
    I remember! to what I feel in my memories hands. 
    
     
    
    

  • I saw an eagle today

    I saw an eagle today; not on the nest web-cam
    I check daily now, but soaring an invisible draft,
    circling our neighborhood, rising, tipping down,
    gliding to a near red oak limb revealing in glinting 
    light unique white “bald” head, tail and demeanor.
    
    With apt aplomb he dismissed two raucous crow's
    rantings as they stomped and strutted near limbs.
    Three swipes of his yellow, hooked beak against
    his supporting limb and the cursing duo quickly
    took note, lifting, darting west “as the crow flies”
    
    leaving only me and Fuzz to stare; bear witness.
    Ditch-stink charmed Fuzz; I was in awe alone.
    Did eagle give me a nod as he glanced my way,
    arching huge wings for a forward, lifting jump,
    fanning white, tail-feathers in silent ascension?
    
    It seemed to me, there was a mutual greeting; 
    respect hoped for, valued, but not demanded.
    I would have given a salute if I did such things.
    We have hope; faith in ultimate good we clutch
    as a faultless anthem, sang softly, only in sky.
    
    afterstanza:
    Now, another year has flown passed that red oak
    and I still check out that empty January grey limb.
    Awe has waned, Fuzz limps and a question remains,
    only now acknowledged, a yellow beak ripping me:
    Are there really only Predators and Prey and which....
    
    
    
    
    
    
  • The Avon Lady: August 1955

    She would appear way down our dirt road
    at the turn-off, leaving a quarter mile more
    to walk to our house; ample time to run, get
    mother and for her to get her saved change,
    put away weekly in her left dresser-drawer.
    Momma! Momma! The Avon Lady’s coming!
    
    Lugging two big black satchels, yanked her
    arms down, rounded shoulders, trudged her
    gait, but she never wavered, never stopped. 
    Her long dresses, dark, austere; dark as those
    high-tops and thick, opaque wrinkled hose 
    amazed a near-naked kid in steamy, white air. 
    
    I never saw any evidence of the woman-things
    she sold on her face or arms of weathered skin
    or her unadorned, piercing…..unblinking eyes.
    Her brimmed straw-hat sprinkled her plainness
    with points of white light, seemingly, seeping 
    from within, bathing her existence  in radiance.
    
    
     
    
  • never be a LT candidat e

    never 
    a strange belittled concept usually
    kicked aside ignored as if never uttered
    a misunderstanding a muttered hasty response
    oh yes I know but things have changed
    we must reassess our priorities change gears
    a typo inserted hurriedly as he stood reciting
    brusquely dismissing from behind his mask
    attempted input the numbers the meld score
    will tell us more in two weeks typing inserting
    you in the forever known never to be removed
    at his squeaky mobile lectern he pushed
    to his next tiny room off his tiny hallway
    bumping clunking denting cheap door facings
    his blue plaid stefano ricci shirt unimpeded
    by lab coat the brightest thing in the building
    on the street in the city in the tri-state area
    I will never read that line to you as written
    from patient education and instructions section
    of pages pushed to us as I pushed your chair
    bumping tiny room walls off the tiny hallway
    he too hurried a coward to say never to our faces
    never be a LT candidat e
    the e left to dangl e ther e
    never to be corrected
    alon
    e